GIRLS BAH.!!

Girls are really over rated in my opinion , they can`t run properly , they can`t climb trees , they can`t throw a ball over arm properly.
They can sew and knit and play the harpsichord though and some of them can press flowers.
Apparently some of the more working class ones can cook, our cook Mrs Kemp is a very good cook ,Father says she does the best Kedgeree  he`s had since India.
Sarah our upstairs maid can even light a fire and she is quite strong , she sometimes has to carry the heavy coal scuttle upstairs by herself.
My brother says the reason girls wear make-up and perfume is because they`re ugly and smell , my brothers in the army , he played bridge and drunk port all through the Battle of The Somme ,its generally considered that he had a good war.!
I do so hope there`ll be another war soon but Uncle Buffy says that its unlikely as that was the war to end all wars ,but Uncle Buffy said that when he came home from The Boar War and he was wrong then , so fingers crossed he`ll be wrong this time.Hurrah.!!

SPUD U LIKE

Whatever happened to Spud u Like. ?

They used to be on most high streets but alas seem to be no more.

I did`nt like every spud , in fact some spuds i actually disliked , one spud in particular i rather hated and was in fact quite scared of.

A most hateful spud who would shout obscenities as i passed , i later found out it was`nt personal , it was a Tourettes spud who could`nt help it.

But i digress , spuds in general are to be liked and i cannot quite fathom why they have diminished in the high street.


                                                                                                                            

CASH FOR GOLD

The current plethora of Cash for Gold TV adverts are doing my head in at the moment, they keep using the phrase "send us your "unneeded" gold when they should use "unwanted" gold , you don`t NEED Gold , you might want it but you don't bloody NEED it you morons.
There's one particular woman who says she sent in the wedding band from her first marriage and got more money than she could "ever imagine" , she either had one fuck off ring or she has a very small imagination.
I rang them up pretending to be one of the Brinks Mat bullion robbers and asked for two million pre-paid envelopes so i could send them my ingots ,they cut me off , they don`t want real gold just broken earrings and shit.Wankers.!!

FAT PEOPLE

The amount of fat people on the streets is really starting to annoy me , why can`t they just stay at home watching tv and stuffing themselves.?

But no , they have to go wobbling along the streets blocking the pavements with their fat kids in tow, all stuffing their fat faces as they barrel along spraying food.

Do they not realise how aesthetically unpleasant it is for me to have to look at them.?

Fat young girls parading along as if they`re Gods gift , has someone somewhere told them they`re beautiful or something?.

Low cut jeans with rolls of backfat, midriff revealing tops with layers upon layers of soft blubber, stay at home you Fat bastards.!!

Fat men with nylon football shirts stretched over fat bloated beer bellies ,sports wear now seems to be worn by the very people to whom any physical exercise is an anathema, its the stretch waist bands they like, Fat bastards.!! 

PETER P PETERSON

Doe`s anybody agree with the mad rantings of that idiot Peterson ?
His column in last weeks Telegraph made me apopletic , if he likes capital punishment so much why does`nt he live there.!
The Spanish have as much right to toilet paper as the rest us,don`t they.?
I`ve seen things,believe me. i`ve seen things, sometimes they were things that nobody else saw but that does`nt mean they were`nt there, doe`s it. ?